no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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