i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
