you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
