I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
