we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
