You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
