do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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