Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
