You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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