You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
