I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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