literally had 100 drinks last night.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
