Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
