You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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