A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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