If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
When are your genitals available?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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