just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
