ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
