Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize