Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
