So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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