Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
