I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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