Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
how do flat chested girls get laid?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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