Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
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