So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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