How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
