M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
