If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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