Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
