We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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