I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize