Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize