there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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