They should really pass out barf bags in church
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
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