PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
