he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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