I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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