umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
