i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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