ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
