...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
