I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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