apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
