I feel like I'm in dance class right now
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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