if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
