Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
