I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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