My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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