I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
