You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize