Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
