Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
