the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
