Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize