She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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