hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
