you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
