i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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