...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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