I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Randomize
