I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
