I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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