I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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