Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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