I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
