It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
