There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
